So, accents are sexy, deceptively so. Take an average Spanish person and put them in London they immediately start to look like Penelope Cruz. If we were all a little smarter we would move to a different country to meet our partners, we'd all go up a league without even trying. Luckily for Londoners sexy accents are everywhere. You want to meet someone who has left their home country and moved here to pursue a different life? Walk into Pret and order a coffee. If you don't fancy any of the people working there, walk down the road and go into another. Pret is like a delivery service for people I want to date. Look past the unflattering uniform and you have a person living in a foreign city dying to meet a native.
The Conversation you need to be having with your Barista:
From now on, you're going to try this every time you buy a coffee, you will notice the benefits of this kind of social exercise in all areas of your life. Run it the same with people you don't fancy, just stop short of exchanging numbers.
You: What is your accent, I don't recognise it?
Them: Italian.
You: I always wanted to learn Italian.
Them: Yeah?
You: How would I say, I'd like a coffee?
Them: Vorrei un caffe
You repeat.
You: I think you should teach me Italian.
Them: Okay / I'm very busy.
You: I'd have to teach you something in return, what would you like to learn?
Either:
Them: English
You: When are you free? etc. What's your number?
Or something stupid:
Them: Tap dancing.
You: Okay, I'll teach you to tap dance.
Them: Can you tap dance?
You: I'm going to be honest with you, I'm probably the world's greatest tap dancer.
End the conversation by exchanging numbers, or if you don't feel like it's going that well give them your email address and leave it up to them.
Is this always possible? No, but occasionally the place will be empty and you'll have a chance to try the whole thing. Otherwise just comment on their accent and see how it goes.
So, you've been brave, you've got a date. You need somewhere that makes you look like you know all the places to be. Just like any good speakeasy, this post is posing to be something it's not, a post within a post if you like, to keep out the riff raff. The Mayor of Scaredy Cat Town is the venue. Don't tell anyone I told you about this place. The lifestyle you are selling today is I'm-sorry-I-lied-to-you-it-was-for-your-own-good.
First Five Minutes
The Mayor of Scaredy Cat Town is a speakeasy within the Breakfast Club at Spitafields. This is how it works: you walk in, tell the waiter you are here to see the mayor, he will open a smeg fridge, inside is a hidden stairway, leading down to the bar. Go before the date simply because if you're anything like me the first time you go you will nearly wet yourself with excitement. Ask your date if they've ever been there before. Say it's a secret place, don't tell them anything more about it. Say you have to look cool as you walk in. Ask them to show you their cool face. Tell them their cool face is crap, show them yours, yours is cooler.
The Date
Once you're in, order quickly and avoid that weirdly awkward what-shall-I-have-look-at-the-menu bit. As with any cocktail date, paying is tricky. The guy should really pay for everything on this one but this can look like he is trying to get his date drunk. The way it should really work is he gets the first round, asks if she wants another, she offers to get it, he says no, he will, she can get the next one (round three).
Talk about their home country, why they are here, talk about the things they would like to see, the things they would like to do. Reference other dates, recommend future activities. Talk about where they would like their fridge to lead to, talk about secret places. Agree to keep this date a secret. Agree a code word for whenever you want to talk about the place, something mundane like knitting.
What to talk about if conversation dries up:
Anytime conversation runs dry go back to the premise of the date that this is a language class. Avoid basic crap like asking someone's name, go more in the direction of how you chat someone up in their language, try it on them, tell them how you would chat someone up in London, make it funny.
Where to go after:
All bar dates have the problem of where to go after. All dates except this one. Round the corner you have the brilliant Polo Bar, a 24 hour cafe where you can get a fish finger sandwich and a coffee any time day or night. Head there, and then back to yours to conclude the greatest date ever.
Where from here?
The next day text:
Knitting was fun x
See if they play along. The next date should be one of the things they told you they want to do while they are in the country, ideally out of the city for a day trip.
Essential Info:
Open until 2300 Monday to Wednesday, midnight Thursday to Saturday, and 2230 on Sundays.
Nearest Tube: Liverpool Street
Address: 12-16 Artillery Lane, E1 7LS
Website: themayorofscaredycattown.com
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